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2006-02-02 @ 4:53 p.m.
nylon ropes don't leave marks...

Not much is happening except its February 2nd, up near Canada, and I’m sitting here with the door open and Guardcat is out enjoying the sun on the porch. Its 50 degrees again. I just went for a 2 mile walk and it damn well looks like the trees are starting to bud out. But they can’t! We still have at least 6 more weeks of winter no matter what that overgrown hamster says down in Pennsylvania says today. We always have a blizzard on my birthday. Always. Its the law.

Last night I did head out to my art class, mainly because there was no snow. I knew Charlemagne the Obnoxious Frenchman wasn’t hosting since it wasn’t his week, but then he came crashing in about 20 minutes late, disrupting everything, moving to three different locations in under 5 minutes, trying to find a spot where the model’s spotlight wasn’t purposely hitting him in the eye. He thinks the spotlight is always aimed directly at him because he’s so incredibly important. Naturally I have to call him on it. Because, that too, is the law. Sometimes if I’m adjusting the light on the model, I will purposely aim it at him full force so he’s momentarily blinded and make him all fussy. I have to have some fun. But then he’ll say something like, “No, let’s turn it towards witty, because she’s so beautiful and stunning. She deserves to be in the spotlight”.

What a bullshitter.

After the break, our Fearless Art Leader brought out our futon mattress for the least favorite one...the Nazi model. If you can think of someone you wouldn’t want to see nekkid...just because she’s the one for me. Naturally Charlemagne had to jump up to help undo the strappie things that keeps the mattress rolled up in the storage room. Our Fearless Art Leader pointed out that we had finally gotten rid of the old stretched out bungee cords and was now using some soft nylon ropes. Charlemagne immediately looked over at me and said, “Nylon ropes are good, they don’t leave marks on your wrists and ankles like regular ropes do.” and then kind of wiggled his eyebrows. I would really know something about (cough) that subject....

And then the strangest thing flew out of my mouth. I said, “Oh stop “J”!!”


heh. Whoops. That’s the married guy at work. The one who had just been talking about whips and chains with me on Monday. Talk about a Freudian slip.

Charlemagne looked at me strangely and said, “J”? Did you call me “J”? Who’s that?” So once he got back to his seat, I went over and whispered into his ear, who he was, and about our conversation (Charlemagne said he ISN’T into whips and chains, in case you’re dying to know) and then I added that all married men are evil. He then smiled at me and asked if I wanted to join him and his girlfriend in a threesome. Naturally I had to punch him in the arm and say “That’s all men EVER think about” and started to walk away. And then he said, “We like nurturing too. Really.”

Oy. I was really trying to be good “A”, but as usual things went asunder. Now what did you say about getting together with a separated man? Do I know him? I have a feeling I do.

But since that’s all that’s least that I can write about, I thought I’d add on a stolen survey....just to prove that kleptomania can be fun. Thanks Seacreature person. So without further ado, yet another survey to amaze and amuse...

1. My roommate once: had so much junk piled in her bedroom, that when our apartment was robbed, the robbers couldn’t see some money that was laying out in plain sight because her room was so messy.
2. Never in my life have I: had a new car.
3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile: Has to be "A". He's confounding, yet delightful. I really like him a lot.
4. High School was: The best time in my life. I had a lot of friends. Was involved in lots of things like theatre, music groups, the school newspaper and I felt important.
5. When I'm nervous: I eat, get manic, write, take meds, walk, get wacky. Lots of things. I think I just need a strong person in my life to provide comfort.
6. The last time I cried was: during that damn “Extreme Makeover” show when some family got a nice house. I always cry during that show.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: SHOCKED THAT I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!! witty's getting married? wtf????
8. My hair: dark brown (thanks Clairol), long and naturally wavy.
10. When I was 5: I had my tonsils out and got to miss school and eat ice cream. It was awesome.
11. Last Christmas I: Got lots of presents from some very nice people abroad. :-)
12. When I turn my head left, I see: an overflowing bookcase and one of my abstract paintings.
13. I should be: Working on our art class newsletter.
14. When I look down I see: My keyboard. I like to tilt back in my chair and put the keyboard on my lap.
15. The craziest recent event was: Being accused of being anti-gay. That was just plain stupid.
16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: Chandler. He’s neurotic and funny, which is me to a “T”.
17. By this time next year: I'll be the ruler of the universe. How the hell should I know? I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, unless I look at my planner. I hope to be in a loving relationship. There, ya happy?
18. Current Relationship Status: Old maid.
19. I have a hard time understanding: War.
20. One time at a family gathering: As a 4 year old, my mom thought it would be funny to dress me up in her bathing suit and play the Stripper Song and have me “strip” for a bunch of drunk pilots we had at our house. Yeah. Funny, huh? And you wonder why I need therapy.
21. You know I "like" you if: I tease you.
22. If I won an award, the first people I'd thank would be: My shrink “A”.
23. Take my advice: Don’t be afraid to be yourself and try to laugh at least once a day. It feels good.
24. My ideal breakfast is: I don’t eat breakfast. I do have raisin bran on hand, in case I need something.
25. If you visit my hometown: Bring your snow boots.
26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: The planet Zardoz? My car barely gets me to work. I would love to go down to NYC and visit my friend “G”, but it probably won’t happen any time soon.
27. If you spend the night at my apartment: I will alert the media. Because I finally got you into my secret lair and we will now have to make mad, passionate monkey sex.
28. I'd stop my wedding if: If I found out that you played hide the sausage with the cabana boy during our engagement party.
29. The world could do without: Guns and hatred.
30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: Someone on
31. Most recent thing you've bought yourself: A cheap DVD of “Pee Wee’s Big Top”. Yeah, I really pamper myself, don't I?
32. Most recent thing someone else bought for you: J’s silver necklace at work.
33. My favorite blonde is: A local sportscaster on Channel 5.
34. My favorite brunette is: Johnny Depp, of course.
35. And by the way: I think I deserve to be happy.
36. The last time I was high: Chemically high...the 80’s. High on life/humor, probably at my art class.
37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: cats.”Look, up in the sky, its a bird, its a plane, its SUPER-PUSSY!!
38. I shouldn't have been: So attached to Married Guy. It was stupid.
39. Once, at a bar: Never been to a bar....believe it or not.
40. Last night I: went to my art class. See above.
41. There's this girl I know who: Should start loving herself more and letting the right people into her life. She’s a great person, if she would only believe it.
42: I don't know: how to do anything involving numbers including my checkbook which I haven’t done in over a year.
43. A better name for me would be: Angelina Jolie, because then I could write a check for a new car and it wouldn’t bounce.
44. If I ever go back to school I'll: probably take all the art classes my Dad wouldn’t let me take when I originally went to college. He thought art was a waste of time. Instead I wasted most of my life, doing menial jobs, and not doing art which is something I really love.
45. How many days until my birthday?: 10 days (February 12th). Mark your calendars, people. Elderly people need lots of attention on their birthdays.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty