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2006-03-26 @ 5:56 p.m.
who random side effects might look like

Oh my god! Where was I yesterday? Oh yeah, in a grocery store in The Village. I was just stopping by for paper towels. OK. Who am I kidding? I was stopping by for a double helping of Half Moon Cookies. Sure, I'd like to convince myself that I just overshot the produce section and then just accidently wandered into the cookie department, but I'd be lying. Cookies and sex. That's basically all I ever think about.

So anyhoo, I was walking along and suddenly I see this guy standing in the middle of the aisle. He wasn't very tall. He had dark hair which immediately caught my attention. I like dark hair. But as I got closer I noticed something. Could it be? Oh...My...God. Saturday Night Live Alumni Jimmy Fallon? No freakin' way. Do I say something stupid like "Live from New York its Saturday Afternoooooon" when I walk by? Oh god no. Too dorky.

Of course, he looked kinda dorky too. His hair was dirty. He was dressed in jeans and a peacoat. He was looking down at the floor like he had just dropped a twenty dollar bill. Was it really him? Sure it was. It had to be. It looked like him....kind of rumpled and cute in a Jimmy Fallon sort of way. I always liked when he used to flirt with Tina Fey on the SNL news, you know, like they really had something going on. I like guys who are flirtatious, as long as they donít take it too far.

Because Iím actually going through my teenage years now....even though Iím in my 40ís. I was very serious as a teenager. I had trouble having fun. Now its much easier. Thumbing my nose at authority.

I remember once, when one of my childhood friends, who used to be a lot of fun got married, she told me....ĒIím married now. I have to be an adult.Ē My god, she made it sound like a death sentence. And I think it was in a way. Because I donít think she ever had any after that. She started drinking and later became the mayor of her city. You would have thought it would have been the other way around. Become mayor first and then embarrass yourself with public intoxication at some official function or something. My friend first started having martinis every afternoon during her motherhood years, and then became a full blown lush when she became mayor. But fun? Absolutely not.

Naturally our 30 year friendship fell apart. I made the grave error of telling her I was jealous of her life (this was about 7 years ago). She took offense. Okay, she was totally pissed off. She felt that I was saying that she didnít work hard to achieve the all American dream of wife, mother, home owner and eventually mayor. That wasnít it at all. To be honest, I was just jealous that she had a cute husband who was nice to her. And he really was. Because even though she was my best friend and I had been the maid of honor at her wedding, she was just a tad moody. And he was always there for her. Patient. Thoughtful. Everything I would want in a husband. Lesson learned? Donít ever tell your friend that you think their lives are nice. Youíll offend them.

But Jimmy. Yup. There he was standing halfway between the produce and the cookie department. Just standing there, in what looked like some zen-like configuration of great concentration, pondering perhaps...why did I leave Saturday Night Live for a career full of crappy movies. I really didnít want to disturb him, but he was blocking my way to the cookies and well, just because youíre an almost has been, doesnít mean you can block the aisle with your big royal hollywood ass.

Needless to say, I did walk around him but I never did see what he was looking at, nor did I even figure out whether it was really him. Of course I could have just been going through severe sugar withdrawal. I hear that seeing random Jimmy Fallons is just one of the many side effects.

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