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2006-05-14 @ 12:21 p.m.
caterpillar head

Yesterday I took a rather lengthy walk out on the Canal. Four miles, round trip. The skies were somewhat threatening and I could hear rumbles of thunder up over Blue Lakes State Park. But it was actually good, in a way, because it made for a wide open empty trail. I enjoyed the walk, except for the possibility of being struck down by lightening and ending up as a giant strip of dried up wittykitty jerky. Along the way though, I saw two geese and six babies. Naturally I had to name them. The Dad was Bela LaGoosie. The Mom, Mrs. LaGoosie. They hissed at me as I stopped and did baby talk to their six adorable fuzzy babies. OK, so I'm a sucker for baby anythings. On the way back I saw a caterpillar hanging from one of the trees and for some reason, I plucked it from mid-air and put it on my hand and talked to it all the way back to the car, where I gently set it on some bushes.

”Bye Fuzzy McGyver!”

I then headed over to Target to try on some bras. I wasn't wearing a bra when I went shopping, ya see. So as I was slipping off my shirt, I was like wtf....suddenly there was another caterpillar on my arm. I picked it up and it was wriggling around kinda like "Howdy ma'am". So I gently set it on a nearby shelf because I certainly didn't want to accidently step on it or crush it under one of my ginormous breasts. Ha....joke. The ginormous breasts part. You’re such a kidder, witty!

So anyways, I finally got the bra I wanted, picked up Carlton the Caterpillar (you knew I had to name him too, right?) and decided to try and find the plant department in Target to set him down in. I figured it would be safer then setting him in like say the shoe department where his fate would definitely be sealed. And also at least he'd have something to eat. So I finally found the plant department and looked around, because Lord knows I didn't want to be seen as some Weird Caterpillar Lady transporting illegal insects around Target. He seemed happy.

I then headed over to the pharmacy department because my fibro was really hurting from the long walk and I needed some aspirin. I then saw one of those blood pressure taking machines and I always like those. Its like having someone temporarily hug you, even if its only a machine. So I sat down and put my arm in the cuff and it started to inflate. Suddenly, again, I felt something softly brushing against my arm. Holy shit....ANOTHER FROOKIN' CATERPILLAR!!! Evidently about 50 must have dropped on my head while I was hiking. So once the blood pressure thing was done (114/ I even alive?) I took that caterpillar and just put him on a nearby shelf near some cottonballs. I figured he'd think he found a new girlfriend or something.

So far this morning, I haven't found any more caterpillars. I just talked to my mom on the phone. She’s planning a western themed party tonight at Bob the Perv’s house and wants me to come dressed in “western” clothes. I don’t have any western clothes, so I asked her if I could come dressed as Laura Ingalls Wilder. Dead silence.

See, I just know the caterpillars would have gotten the joke.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty