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2006-05-26 @ 12:29 a.m.
nude guy on bike and penguins

I (heart) my art class. Because where else could you get to see a naked guy on a bike with a red cap, ya know?

We had our resident weird male model last night. He’s strange. He’s a local judge. He walks around with his judicial twig and berries on display naked during the break. And Charlemagne had e-mailed me to co-host with him because....well, its a secret, but I really didn’t mind because I hadn’t co-hosted in a long time and I happen to like this model.

We also had an unusually large crowd, many of which were newcomers from our event over the weekend. Yay! That’s exactly what we wanted to do. Promote our art class to the community at large. And then it was like a bonus to have our most outrageous model we have, you know.... The one who brings his own ropes and hangs off the stage in pseudo-performance art poses. The one who stands up on top of stools and puts one foot on the stool and the other foot precariously on a strip of wood, which if it broke he would be impaled. The one who last night nearly dismembered your favorite diaryland writer when he accidently flicked his rope too close to my face. I’m just hoping that all the people that came last night, don’t expect Bizarro-the-Nude-Male-Model every week, because most weeks its more like some 90 pound college coed who’s so weak from hunger she can barely (ha, ha, I said bare!) strike a pose.

But it was good to have some new people. At the break, I went over to schmooze at the snack table and this Ecuadorian woman who I had met at our conference talked to me. She’s a little unusual. She had come briefly to our group last Spring and then disappeared, but now she’s back. She’s very pensive and whispery and tells everyone that her husband will not allow her to come to these classes so she has to sneak out. She’ll also take all her artwork out of this expensive leather portfolio and show it to you. She did that at the conference. She showed her work to the famous artist person who was our keynote speaker. She just took it out and showed them to him. Yeeks! I shiver to even think of ever doing anything so ballsy.

I also have a hard time understanding her. She talks really softly and has a thick accent, but I did understand her last night when she turned to me and said: ”Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but when is your baby due?”


True, I was wearing a full, flowy sundress last night, but baby due???? WTF??? I’m almost 50 years old!! I then had to give her the sad news.....No buns in the oven, seniorita, you know, since I’m headin’ towards 50 (!!!!!!!!!). “L” the hippie chick, who was standing nearby, overheard the conversation and slyly added, “You could still have kids, witty!” I shot her a quick evil eye. Ms. Ecuador, then of course, turned apologetic and said “You certainly don’t look like you’re almost 50.” Sure that felt a little better but internally I was still mouthing “When is your baby due? When is your baby due?? Ahhhhhhh!!!!!”

Meanwhile, our male model was protesting our newly applied rule that all models must wear a robe during the break, by not taking a break, thus not needing to put clothes on. So he was over doing facial gestures for a small group of artists. I didn’t know about this newly enacted rule until today when I saw an e-mail from him. So he was doing his thing.

Charlemagne was doing his trivial pursuit questions. I’m no longer allowed to participate because 1) I can usually answer them by process of elimination 2) I’m a board member 3) I make really bad jokes and annoy Charlemagne. Like he asked what Van Gogh did every day for the last 70 days of his life and I cupped my hand up to my ear and went “Huh? What’d ya say?” You know...he cut off his ear. Heh. Anyhoo....I did manage to guess that he painted one painting a day and was right, but I couldn’t win the prize and Charlemagne was ticked that I said the answer out loud. I was just guessing. Sheesh! It was a fun night though.

And then today I took my client to the zoo. It was just a short jaunt since we only had about 45 minutes. I mainly wanted to see a new exhibit of Humboldt Penguins we got in this last winter. Of course, first we had to wade through about 50 gazillion students on field trips. Man. What a bunch of brats. Noisy. Rude. Aggressive. I very nearly lost it when I was walking by this little bridge where two boys about 11 years old were standing. We walked by and then stopped to look as some pretty Wood Ducks that were swimming around this large pool. And then suddenly I heard this loud splash and I looked over and one of these bratty little bastards had just dropped a huge rock directly on top of where the Wood Ducks were swimming. Fortunately it looked like it had missed them but naturally the ducks were scurrying away. So I looked over at them and said, “Hey you little jerk, what did you do that for?”

Asshole Brat Future Serial Killer #1: “I didn’t do anything.”

Me: “So you’re saying the rock just fell from the sky, you little jerk? What if you had hurt that duck!”

Asshole Brat Future Serial Killer #1 (sticking his chin out): “I didn’t do anything!”

Me: “You’re a little jerk!”

So I guess you can see why I never became a parent. Ya know, that going down to their level and doing the name calling thing. I did manage to refrain from calling him a little fucking asshole. But it was only because I was with my client. And also I could just see my name splashed across the front page of the paper after I was arrested for child know, because I called a kid an asshole. Even though he was one. For dropping rocks on ducks.

So we finally did slog our way up through all the juvenile delinquents to the Penguin exhibit and it was so worth it. The penguins were way cute, shooting through the water like little black and white speckled torpedoes. I just don’t understand why anyone would want to hurt a bird, do you?

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty