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2006-06-15 @ 1:39 p.m.
deciding deciding factors

Like where the hell have I been since Sunday? Geeze, I don’t know. Sunday it was cold and rainy and I watched DVDs most of the day. Can I remember what they were? No. I do know that the next DVDs on my Netflick’s list are from “Curb your Enthusiasm”. I’ve always heard about that show and since its about a neurotic guy. And I’m a neurotic girl. Kismet! I bet I’ll like it!!

Monday:Meetings. “J” invited himself to lunch with me. Funny how that works. Invite yourself to lunch with the awesomely cute wittykitty. Bad married man. Bad. After lunch we went back to the office and nobody showed up for our group...AGAIN. Yay, aren’t we awesome? We went in and sat with a third person who helps us with our group because there is so much to do. Heh. Not. This person is desperately trying to get a job with our agency and asked us to write him a letter of recommendation. He’s quite an excellent fellow, but he is just out of prison in the last two years and I don’t know what he was in for. I suppose I could ask him. I’d really like to know, especially if I’m writing him a letter of recommendation. Right? But we soon started talking about “Dateline’s” recent series of reports on predators on the internet coming to kid’s houses in search of sex. Both guys knew about the reports (they brought it up after all) and to be honest, I felt uncomfortable talking about it, alone, in a room with two guys, especially when the guy who had been in jail, brought up about the guy who had walked in with whipped cream on his private parts. Yeeks! How often do you hear that phrase at work...whipped cream on his private parts. I asked to change the subject.

Tuesday:Job Interview #2 at Target. I felt like total crap when I woke up Tuesday morning. Not physically, but emotionally. I’ve still be carrying around excessive anger from the “hacked up gardening incident” from over the weekend. I can’t seem to get rid of it, because for me, once I open the Gates of Hell (i.e., anger), I usually can’t just back away. I walk around for days, just pissed off for no apparent reason. I have a hard time resolving anger. It just sort of hangs around like cheap perfume. So all morning I was just screwing around on the computer. I wrote “A” a long, angsty e-mail complete with the “F” word. I didn’t even wash my hair for the job interview. I just got dressed at the last moment. I even wore some pants with some paint on them.

Driving over there I was like, no, I don’t want to do this. Why am I doing this? I should have just called and cancelled. This is stupid. But then when I walked through the door, I was like “Hi! I’m your super wonderful, awesome job candidate. Where do I go for my interview??” I just automatically kicked into job interview mode, almost against my will like I was possessed my satan. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!

Its funny how when you don’t want a job, you relax in the interview and then you’re just like totally awesome and loveable!! I was just slaying them with my charm. I made them laugh. I was anecdotal like I never am. The second person I interviewed with was from California, so we were chatting about that. We both cited having a sense of humor as the most important thing a person could have. Holy shit, I was about ready to ask this person to coffee and I don’t even drink freakin’ coffee. So that basically was that. They want to hire me. Or that was the gist of the conversation. They want me to take a drug test, which I guess is the last step before hiring.

I momentarily felt vindicated, or accepted/loved/adored or something, because when I walked out of there I felt pretty good, like, yay, somebody WANTS me. But then all the angst started quickly filling in after that, when I started weighing things out between my current job with the crazies and this new generic, low paying job in retail.

Good things about the crazies job: I’ve been there a year and a half. I know the people. I’m established. I have my own cubical. Its a good, progressive company. A yearly bonus check. Bad thing about the crazies job: I don’t like working with crazies. They didn’t do anything substantial enough, in my eyes, when psycho lesbian went “Fatal Attraction” on me and vandalized my car. I don’t like listening to sad, depressing stuff in groups. It gets me down. Not enough hours. No holiday pay. I have to drive my clients around in terrible winter weather.

Good thing about the Target job: Its only 2 minutes from my house. More hours-more money. No crazies!! Possible store discount. Might be a good company to work for. Bad thing about Target: Minimum wage pay. Standing for extended periods of time. Dealing with the public. Married Guy might come in.

So I just have to figure out what to do. Argghhh! Time for some novenas.

Wednesday: St@ff Day at work. How ironic to have our biggest work related event of the year the day, after a job interview. It was okay. It was a paid 7.5 hour day which I don’t get very often. Free food out at a country club. We saw a depressing theatre presentation about a bunch of kids from the ‘hood talking about wanting to commit suicide and cut themselves. What’s that you say? Cue music for “That’s entertainment!!” I bet they wouldn’t do that at Target. Anyways, about the only good thing to come out of the whole day was the final event. It was a “Lets Make a Deal” game thingie where they called ticket numbers and then we had the choice of two prizes. Well, they went through about 25 prizes, and I was sitting there saying, “oh shit” everytime they didn’t call my number and I missed winning a free hair cut at “Super Cuts”. But then on the final Grand Prize, when I was nearly in a boredom coma, they called the final number and guess what? Go ahead, guess!! I won the Super Deluxo Grand Prize-o-rama. A Sony DVD Player. Woot! Sure, it was nice, although I would have preferred to have won the 50/50 raffle, which was $112.50 in cold-hard-cash, but a Sony DVD Player. Woot! Calm down, witty. Maybe you can sell it to a junkie, so you can pay your phone bill.

And then last night was the 17th birthday of my art class. It was the most crowded I’ve ever seen. I think there were 28 people there. Usually we only have about 12-13. So we were all on top of each other, but not in a fun way. We also had live music with two musicians back in the corner playing a guitar and a fiddle. They were very good. I actually drew one of them during one of the poses. It was kind of embarrassing when they wanted to see the drawing and then they said, “Oh a caricature. Its good.” It actually wasn’t supposed to be a caricature (a cartoon-like drawing) but an actual drawing. I just sort of smiled blandly and thanked them.

For another of our nude model poses, I was once again temporarily diverted by one of our ever intriguing audience members. It was a kid who was sitting on the floor next to me. I had kind of chuckled to myself when they had come in, because they looked like a hippy from Central Casting. Ripped bell bottom jeans. Peace symbol necklace. Bandanna tied around their head. Round green granny glasses. Hey! Look everyone! Its Jerry Garcia at age 17! The kid sat with our other little hippy junior girl who also wears the tiny green granny glasses and stickers from bananas on her face. Why? I have not the faintest idea, except maybe she’s protesting unfair immigration farm labor laws or something. Anyways, here is the kid, who incidentally, was also celebrating his 17th birthday last night.:

Party on, dude!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty