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2006-07-04 @ 1:24 p.m.
deciphering the cat litter, kissing my gay friend dream

I can never have normal dreams like normal people, like about kids playing out in the yard or about a boyfriend handing me a jewelry box with an engagement ring in it. Oh no. I have to dream about French-kissing my best gay male friend so passionately that we nearly have sex and then ending the dream by walking around an empty shopping mall in my night gown carrying a plastic garbage bag full of cat litter that is pouring out of a hole. Now does that make any sense? What does it mean? I'm sure if "A" was interpreting it he would say it was about sex somehow, because all my dreams are always about sex. Always. I mean I get more sex when I'm sleeping than when I'm awake. Of course, that does save on the cost of birth control. No charging Medicaid for a depo shot. Nope. I'm just dreaming about fornication, not actually doing it. Ha! Yay me!

So what does the dream mean? Kissing a gay male friend? Does it mean desperation? Or does it mean that I love my friend and wish that I could have sex with him. The kiss really wasn't like a real kiss, but it wasn't either of our faults. We were just kind of testing the waters. Sort of like Will and Grace used to do occasionally. Kiss passionately and then go, Naw! I'm straight. You're gay....never gonna happen. Hrrruppphhh!

But then what was that walking around an empty shopping mall in my night gown with a seeping bag of kitty litter all about? Was it a metaphor for the sands in an hourglass rapidly draining away? Like time's a wastin', witty. You better start looking for someone seriously, otherwise you'll be wondering aimlessly through the shopping malls of life forever.

I was kind of sad that I finally got a kiss and it wasn't so great. I haven't had a kiss since the demise of the Married Guy thing which is fast approaching its two year anniversary in September. And its not like our kissing-life was exactly smashing. He started it, just like he started everything else (the friendship, the kissing, the hugging, the dirty talk, the "I love you's"). I would have never kissed a married man. Ever. I'm not like that. You know....sleazy. I was a late bloomer to begin with. My first kiss was a total surprise to me. I was at a graduation party when our high school sports superstar guy Larry, an African American kid, came up to me and said that I needed to give him a graduation gift. I thought that sounded a little pushy since I didn't know him very well. I was an artsy music girl who never went to a single sporting event the entire four years I was in high school. And he was our star athlete. We had nothing in common. I only knew him by sight. He took me by my hand and said, "Lets go" and before I knew it we were outside amid all the cars and trucks parked out on some darkened side street and again he mentions this graduation gift I'm supposed to give him. And again, I'm perplexed. Graduation gift? Like some coupons to McDonalds?

And then he pulled me behind a truck and started kissing me. I had never been kissed before, but it was fairly obvious, Larry was pretty proficient in the art of kissing and with his rather substantial lips, I didn't have to do much. It was rather like getting vacuumed with a Hoover. I was fine up to the French-kissing and then I kind of struggled. I didn't know this highly muscled kid who had me tightly pinned against this truck. So we stopped and he didn't say anything and just dragged me back into the house and never talked to me again. Wasn't that romantic of him? He did kiss well. I'm not complaining. It's just felt weird to be pinned against a truck by some kid I didn't know out on a dark street.

Anyways, I did get to go see a theatre production over the weekend. Loe at work got me tickets for his production of "FiddIer on the R00f". Some local Temple had bussed over all their seniors and there was like this long line of people with wheelchairs and walkers. My mom was fairly easy to spot. She was the only French Protestant in the crowd. When I went to the bathroom, some old Jewish guy removed my chair from the cabaret style seating. When I got back I asked my mom where my chair was and before she could speak, he snarled at me, "Just wait until you're old like me!" Well, that was all fine and good, except I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about or why he was being so damn nasty to me. I was just coming back to a blank space. My mom then told me he was putting a wheelchair where my chair had been. And I was like then where am I sitting? I did have a paid seat at that very location. And then a split second later, he was all smiles. His wife had been wheeled to the table next to us. He had made a mistake. He even put MY chair back. Stupid asshat.

But the show was very good for a local production and the guy who played Tevye was terrific. He was short in stature, but huge in both acting and singing talent. He definitely took command of the stage and as my Broadway buddy commented, "as well he should, if he's playing Tevye." Well, yeah. It was funny seeing Loe on stage...the Amish Rabbi. He was the least Jewish looking person up there. I think it was the costume. He just looked Amish. That's all. I didn't really get to hear him sing and he has a really good voice. Tis' a shame. And my mom even liked the show, which mom liked something and didn't criticize CNN!

Afterwards when we were leaving there was a massive thunder and lightening storm. We had thought of possibly going out to dinner and we pulled our cars up next to each other to talk with the windows down, but it was raining so hard and my car was getting drenched so we just ditched the plan. We've been having a lot of thunder and lightening storms the last couple of days. And the humidity. Ugh!

So its late. Almost time for bed. I just ate a bowl of raisin bran. I kind of wonder what kind of dream I'll have tonight. Will I kiss my gay friend? Will I kiss Larry from high school? Will I kiss Jon Stewart? (wish, wish) Will I be chased by security around the mall because I'm only wearing a nightgown and spilling cat litter by the karate place? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty