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2006-07-18 @ 1:45 a.m.
the ozone is falling, the ozone is falling...

You can always tell its summer at awittykitty's diary, when she starts getting the inevitable Googles for: "Wearing a sundress+no underwear." I am just so totally mortified. I just don't know where people are getting such an alarming idea. heh. No idea really.

So yeah, it was hot today. And yes I wore a sundress. And yes, there was high humidity. And....what?? That's really all you need to know. Although the local news channel did issue this dire warning around mid-afternoon:

"An air quality health advisory has been issued for all of New York State due to the heat. High temperatures are causing some ground level ozone, a major element in smog. Area health officials suggest you limit your time outdoors today, especially if you are elderly or very young. All those suffering with respiratory problems, stay indoors.


What the hell is ground level ozone? Isn't the ozone supposed to be, I don't UP THERE (me pointing towards the sky) . Khreee-rist, what is this, Los Angeles? I mean, its bad enough that we had to suffer through a hot, sweaty miserable day, but than to have ozone thingies hanging around in our parking lots.

Oh, did I mention that I was hanging around in a parking lot today? Like in the absolute hottest part of the frickin' day? Like during the frickin' ozone death alert? With my car key STUCK in my frickin' car door? Yeah, that was me out in the parking lot. Although you probably couldn't see me. Smog alert, you know.

I couldn't believe it. My little Subaruski has been a dream thus far. Driving like a Masurati. Not that I know what one drives like, but I'm fairly certain that my Subaru is fairly close. And the air conditioning works good. And the tie rods aren't snapping in two. And nothing has fallen off when I hit a bump. Its been great!

But today when I got out of my group around 2:30, I walked out to my know, feeling my way through the ozone layer....and stuck my key into the lock and nothing. It wouldn't turn right. It wouldn't turn left. It wouldn't come out. I guess I stuck it in crooked. Hey I couldn't see. Ozone vision impairment. And of course, it was about 3000 degrees outside with the heat radiating up from the asphalt.

I did work on it for quite a while. Twisting and turning it. I was convinced that I could do some magical turn and voila! It would just slip out because I'm such an excellent key turner. But I also didn't want to snap off in the lock.

Finally one of the higher upper guys that I work with saw me in distress and came over. He has a really great sense of humor and once when I told him I wrote, he said he was interested in writing something with me, but maybe that was just random elevator talk. Who knows? Anyways, he tried the key and couldn't get it out either, so he said he'd go into the office and get some WD-40. So he left.

And then "J" and our new hire came out. They were like, d'oh, why ya just standing out in the parking lot when its 3000 degrees, witty? Like I would really just do that. So I told them about my dilemma and since they're men and need to be manly, "J" also tried the key and kept telling me, "You have to have the key lined up straight!" Oh ok. Why didn't I think of that? Must be because I have a uterus. So within minutes all three of us were just standing around staring at the key. Wow, isn't this interesting?

And then yet another man, who is a CSW came along and amazingly he had some WD-40 in his car, so he came over and sprayed it on the key and key hole and attempted to pull it out. And again "J" had to peckishly suggest that it had to be lined up straight. Ok "J" got it. But that didn't work. The CSW guy was very prepared though. He went to his car again and had paper towels to wipe up the WD-40 drips. I guess that's why they pay him the big bucks.

We finally saw the higher upper guy coming back. He's balding so we could see his head shining through the ozone layer in the parking lot. He had some silicone spray. So he sprayed that in the lock (after "J" told him to line the key up straight) and tried to pull the key out again, but it still wouldn't come out.

I was really starting to get discouraged. I had been out there for about 20 minutes now. It felt like 3500 degrees with the intense humidity. I was getting sunburned. I was surrounded by men. Okay, well maybe that part was okay. :-) But I couldn't get into my car and all I could think was how my mom had told me how stupid I was to have both of my car keys on my car ring this last week, so I had JUST taken it off. If I had had that second key I could have unlocked another door, gotten in and worried about that stupid lock later. So I was talking to my coworkers, trying to pretend like I was okay with the situation even though I was supremely annoyed and now possibly getting ozone poisoning, since the ozone had fallen out of the sky and was swirling around our parking lot, where it was now 3500 degrees. Suddenly the higher upper guy made a funny little noise and handed me my keys. The key had evidently just slid out (it probably freakin' melted out). I was so overjoyed I almost hugged him, but of course last time I hugged somebody at work (and you know who you are), they got the wrong idea and since the key guy's married and he's my superior and I am well known as the purloiner of married men, I decided a simple "thank you" was all that was necessary.

And then if it was hot enough standing out in our parking lot today, it was nothing compared to the INSIDE of my car which was 6000 degrees. Because as soon as my ass hit the seat, all I could think of was the smell of bacon cooking at IHOP. And I think you know why....wink, wink. :-)

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty