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2006-09-08 @ 1:28 a.m.
stupid is the new smart

I sat down in the chair at the hair salon today to get a light trim and the first thing the hair dresser said was, “You do know that Brunette is the the new Blonde!”

Oh go on! You probably say that to all us poor sad desperate brunettes. Or maybe I just don’t quite get this whole....”Black is the new White”....”Fifty is the new Forty”....”Oxygen is the new Water” thingie. I mean, what does it all mean? Did Paris Hilton originally say something like this? I mean it does kinda sound like something she might say as she was sucking down vino behind the wheel of her half a million dollar Mercedes. “Money is the new empty wallet”. Hahahahahaha, and then tossing thousand dollar bills out to winos along Sunset Boulevard. Okay, I’m just speculating on what Paris Hilton actually says when she’s driving. I guess I’m just perplexed by this random saying, but in any event, evidently, I’m know, being a brunette. Unfortunately then the hairdresser asked if I dyed my own hair. Always a bad sign.


Today I had to tell my one and only client, I wasn’t going to see her anymore after next week. She seemed shocked, but took it pretty well. I worry about her because she lives with the family from hell and they really take advantage of her and I keep trying to get her to take better care of herself and her finances, but now that I’m leaving it’ll probably all go to hell. I’m hoping my boss can continue services for her and keep an eye on her. I see her one more time next week. Hopefully we can do something special, if her family doesn’t whack her on the head and steal all her money before then.

We had lunch at yet another location of the yuppie store I’ll be working at, so I checked out their bakery and actually talked to the manager. She was very nice and told me a lot about their department including how they “airbrush” cakes. They had a very nice layout. She was surprised they hired me with no cake experience but then I told her I was an artist and she shook her head and said that made a lot of sense. And then, like everyone else I’ve talked to, she said that their company was really great to work for.

I am starting to have some anxiety about leaving my company though. I was at the office yesterday, saying hi and bye to people. For someone who only works part time, I know quite a few people. I guess I’m friendlier than I give myself credit for. I talked briefly to “B” who is our employment specialist. I’ve always really liked him because he has the most wicked sarcastic sense of humor. We are really gnarly with each other. He was very excited for my new job. When I told him how long I had pursued the job and how I had gone back to the place repeatedly, he asked if I would be willing to come and speak at one of his employment luncheons he holds once a month. But me speaking in front of people? Not really doable. I’m terrified of public speaking. Ugh!

But like I said, I am getting nervous about leaving a job I know I’m good at. My boss likes me. I get along with my co-workers. I have my own little cubical and cell phone. I have my case manager nearby to consult with when I’m stressed. Me stressed? Yeah, who knew! And plus I’m going to be doing something I’ve never done before in my life. Cake decorating! Holy shit. That’s kinda like Donald Rumsfeld getting cast in “Hairspray” for crissakes! I guess I’m getting a major case of cold feet. I think perhaps I just need a pow wow with “A”. I didn’t see him this last week and need some reassurance that I didn’t make one of my primo asshat decisions.

It has been a weird couple of days though. Don’t know if its because I’ve been hyped about my job. Or the advent of the full moon (maybe, Hiss?). But, I’ve been getting an awful lot of male attention. Of course I was asked out by Whistle Boy on Sunday. On Wednesday I was over at the canal, leaning into the back of my car, when suddenly I hear “Nice ass!!” being yelled out of a passing car. I popped out of my car and looked around, expecting to see some skinny blonde chick running by or something. Nope. It was only little cute me standing there.

And then later I was at the mall and the cleaning guy stopped and started talking to me. I had had a taco pizza malfunction. My first attempt to cut into the pizza had resulted into flinging large chunks of meat, cheese and taco shells all over my shirt and pants (can we see why my dating record is so spotty? Who would want to be seen with a girl who flings taco pizzas around?). He talked to me for a good five minutes. Just shooting the breeze. Men never talk to me.

After I ate, I went into one of those Goth Shops. I’m still looking for a cool bumpersticker for the Subaruski. The cute young male sales clerk greeted me. How are you? I said I’m fine and went back to looking at the bumperstickers. And then he continued to talk. “Well, I’m kinda tired today. I was at a party last night, so I’ve been kinda out of it today at work.....” I then suddenly felt obligated to converse with him. He was cute, but Ka-rist, he was only about 21 years old. Plus there was some young girls ogling him, but he was totally ignoring them and following me...Grandma Moses, around the store, being all attentive and shit. I mean, what was up with that?

Same thing at the pharmacy. By then I was actually getting somewhat emboldened. When I did my copayment, I kind of accidentally flung the three dollar bills at the clerk who was pretty cute. I apologized for “throwing money at him” and he smiled and said he rather (cough)enjoyed it and said I could do it again if I wanted. OMG! Was that a flirt? And this was the pharmacy at the new store I’ll be working!

And I can’t even begin to tell you about Charlemagne last night. He was totally incorrigible. Okay I was flirting a wittle bit. And he did something he’s never done before. During the break we were all standing around the snack table talking. He was being his usual big mouth self and suddenly he started massaging my back. Not just for a second but probably for a good 3-4 minutes. And for a massage slut like me, I was in heaven. He was truly superb. He was right up there with Married Guy. It felt so heavenly. I mean, if I was a Golden Retriever, my leg would have been pumping.

We also later shocked poor Zue. We’re always talking about sex and he’s always saying he wants to see me pose naked (yeah, in your dreams). Anyways, so the three of us were standing around and naturally, as it usually always does with Charlemagne and I, the conversation turned to tying each other up. Charlemagne was saying how you had to tie the ropes loosely in case a news crew comes busting in the door, you have to be able to get out of the restraints and run for cover. And I was laughing. I then added something and Zue said, “Maybe your therapist can help you with that.” And I said, “Oh no, I think he’d be happy, if I was in that situation!”

Anyways, here is a little piece of artwork from last night. Wasn’t real inspired. Am still without my glasses. I’ve got to do something. I went to the one and only Medicaid optmologist in town and they don’t have any appointments until October and then it takes several weeks to get the glasses. If only I could remember what I did with them. I can just see me decorating a cake in a few weeks and not realizing that I wrote “Good Fuck” instead of “Good Luck”. And then what will it be....Employment....the new Unemployment.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty