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2006-10-13 @ 12:33 a.m.
one pizza short of a full deck

So the last three days have been dedicated almost entirely to Operation Get Well Witty. I've mostly been resting....sleeping....dozing...watching "Divorce Court" on the couch, and trying to get my body so it doesn't hurt so bad. A hot bath did well on the constricted leg muscles part. A pack of ice on my ass, helped the sciatic nerve which has been on the verge of sending me to the ER. I mostly kept off my feet except for a brief walk in the cemetery to take some photos of the Fall colors. I was driving home after a brief outing Tuesday and the colors against the white tombstones was just so stunning, I had to stop and walk around a little. And as I was shooting some pictures, I happened to look up and saw a vulture of all things. So I yelled up at him, "So you've heard about my love life, huh?" And then he pooped and flew away. Can you imagine?!?

But staying home, didn't necessarily guarantee rest. Like Wednesday around noon I heard a knock on my door. Now to be honest, I have never lived anyplace where I have had so many people knock on my door. Ever! I've always been very, very private. I'm the type of person who generally doesn't talk to anyone and who walks in from the car with groceries and avoids eye contact. I might nod my head slightly if I see you, but that's about it. But here at Twin Peaks Hilton, home to Clipper Guy, Freaky Eyebrows, Walter the Maintenance Guy, Annie the Blasphemous Jesus Screamer and Bret the Crackhead, all of whom have knocked on my door, bothered me or left notes in the last six months, there is no such thing as a moment of solitude. And I'm not really that thrilled with all this activity. I like living anonymously. I don't like living with the cast from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". In fact, if I WANTED to live with the cast from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" I would have just check myself into the local mental hospital and had the State pick up the tab...ya know?

But have mostly slept and played with Guardcat the last few days. And listened to my mom talk about Gay Elvis. He's having a Halloween party evidently for all his groupies and wanted to pick out a reallllllly scary movie. "The Shining"? No. "Halloween"? No. "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" the penultimate gayfest with Bette Davis and Joan Crawford? Yup. I just can't seem to make her understand that he's gay. Goodness. I sit there on the phone night after night, listening to her tell me about all the women in his fan club who want to sleep with him and roll my eyes. Last night I even missed my honey Jon Stewart on Letterman listening to the G.E.R...Gay Elvis Report. I mean, I have no problem with gay men. My best friend is a gay man. Its just this relentless denial on her part. Oy!

I did get rested up for my art class last night. I really needed to get out amongst the living. I had slept most of Wednesday. So I took a hot bath with a friendly bar of soap (wink, wink). And then gathered up my stuff, as well as one of the pieces I will be submitting to our art show at the beauty salon and headed towards town. Going up the stair, I could hear Charlemagne banging around and swearing. I was so happy. I hadn't seen him in about three weeks and even though I had reason to berate him (He didn't invite me to that dinner party with that eligible person like he was supposed to), it was good to see the big old dork.

When he saw me come in, he immediately ran up to me and whispered in my ear, "Did you call Handyman?" (the eligible person who's phone number he had sent me). I said "No!" haughtily and said, "I don't call men. They call me!" (yeah, as if. Can we see why I'm 48 and still single?). He leaned in closer and said, "Well, I didn't want to give him your number without permission."

Damn, Charlemagne....being responsible. Who could have seen THAT coming??

But he was busy setting up and he asked me to take the money from people coming in. We had our little Asian model Miko. We had just had her about 2 weeks ago, which is a little annoying, but at least she is different from our usual fare of stick thin anorexic chicks who look like they're considering suicide. Last week's model in particular was so nauseatingly thin, I actually left an hour early. She looked like something out of a concentration camp. It was gross. At least Miko has an interesting, alive face and some curves.

I did chat with my friend "L" the Hippie Chick and she had become a grandma once again over the weekend. She had gone to the Art in Bad Taste Show and said it was fun but very smoky, so she didn't stay as long as she usual. One of the Goth kids came over and said she really liked my "Nuns Arouse Me" painting. I told her I bet you didn't know I was like that. She laughed and said No. And then Zue came by and I was carrying on two conversations simultaneously (good thing I was rested, bipolar and on pain pills). I told Zue about my date with Harold the Geek and that I still hadn't connected with Handyman and she got all militant on me and told me to march over to Charlemagne and tell him to tell Handyman to call me. I said, "Sheesh, it's almost like you're like channeling my shrink "A". Are you sure you don't know him?" They're both Aries, you see, so maybe that's why. So I finally went over to Charlemagne who was flirting with Miko and I told him it was okay to tell Handyman to E-MAIL ME. I'm not quite up to speed on a phone call yet and then Charlemagne had a full turnaround and said, "You know witty, I don't know if I want him seeing you. He's kind of bitter about his divorce. I don't want him to hurt you." And then hearing that Zue joined in saying, "Yeah, maybe that's not so good."

Geeze, it takes me 48 years to finally say yes to giving my name and e-mail to a single guy and now I'm getting static.

Our break soon ended, as did the conversation, so I just worked on the hour pose. The model had turned her back on "L" and I, and I didn't feel like moving, so I drew a characture of the back of her with all the artists facing us. It was kinda funny.

Afterwards I was still chatting with "L". I guess we're getting to be pretty good friends. Charlemagme came over and insisted on feeding me Chinese food out of his container. It took a couple of tries before we found something I liked, but he finally lovingly hand fed me a large hunk of chicken which was very tasty. I liked being fed by someone. It was very sweet. He then kissed my cheek and went giggling across the room. Hard to believe we're in our 40's, huh? I then heard him start swearing again. He had bought two pizzas during our break. He had forgot to bring food, so he just ordered in pizza from down the street and evidently he had promised the Japanese model one of the pizza. By then she had already left and he was cursing himself.

Well, this made for about a half hour of pure comedic gold material between us. It was really hilarious. I was like, bought a pizza for the model. Where was mine? And he'd are sooooo jealous. You know I love you. Don't you remember what we did in bed this afternoon? Me: Frankly, no. I guess it wasn't very memorable. Him: (in mock horror) That's not what you said today when you were begging for more. Me: Wasn't that YOU begging me?" This continued on well out into the parking lot. Everyone was laughing. It all finally ended about 11:15 when Charlemagne announced he had "run out of material". Although when we were walking to our cars together he yelled "I wanna give you some tongue" and I was momentarily mortified. But he just grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me on both cheeks.

Seeing Charlemagne definitely cheered me up again. Now if only I could get my body to cooperate.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty