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2006-11-21 @ 2:19 p.m.
the not so private conversation

Here is your couple's love horoscope
for Tuesday, November 21:

You might not realize it while it's happening, but your relationship is going to grow considerably today. Though you won't notice what triggers it, when you look back you'll know what happened.

Hey! I can read the couple's love horoscope if I want. Back off! I'm just preparing for my fourth date. I realize I'm not quite a couple yet, and I even told "A" this morning that I'm having trouble using the word "date". As in me? A date? And naturally he had to remind me (as if he had to) about the Fourth coughpossibility of sex Date clause once again. Damn it man, don't I have enough pressure already? I mean, I have to play the score to a Broadway musical. I have to look fabulous. I have to....

Now why did I stop over at my physician's office after "A's" appointment? Oh yeah.....

Me: (in tiny voice at the receptionist's desk) "Can I get a depovera shot without an appointment?"
Her: "When did you want to get it?"
Me: (looking up at the ceiling, and then dramatically counting on my fingers, 4 p.m., 5 p.m. 5:30 p.m.....) "Today?"
Her: "What???"
And then of course every woman in the reception area looked up and was now tuned into our conversation.
Her: "No, the Doctor is totally booked up."
Me: "But its just a shot."
Her: "But we have to make sure you're not pregnant."
Me (laughing to myself): "I'm definitely not pregnant..ha, ha...not unless there was an immaculate conception."
And then the whole damn place suddenly breaks into peals of laughter behind me. Scared the living shit out of me.
Her: "When was your last period?"
Me (leaning in closer to her): "Well, my periods are kinda kerflewy because I'm menopausal, so its a little hard to say."
Her: "When was your last period?"
Me: "November 1st, okay!!" (I only remember this because it was the opening of my art show and I was bleeding like I had just given birth to an Olson Twin).
Her: "Okay, we can schedule you for an appointment with the Doctor on December 1st. Is that okay?"
Me: "Sure. Meh, make it October 2008. Ha!" (I didn't really say that, I was only thinking that.)

So anyways, I walked out of there, feeling just as anxious as when I went in. And what do I do when I'm anxious? Eat, of course.

And man, was that eclair with the soft, squirty ricotta center ever delicious.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty