blackbird.jpg (30437 bytes)

2007-03-31 @ 11:38 p.m.
the cat whisperer has a pity party

Wow, not only have I been talking to myself lately, but now I've added a Chinese accent it seems. A bilingual crazy person who talks to her cat. I actually thought of a new career today when I was out for a walk. A Cat Whisperer. I talk to Guardcat all the time through various means, so why not make money from it?

For instance, I can put my hands on her while she's sleeping and know that she's dreaming about being the head of a large cat food corporation and she's standing at her desk, banging it with a large cat shoe demanding to know why there is poison in cat foods, since she knows how much her mommy is worried every time she stands in the cat food aisle hoping that none of the bad stuff got left behind.

But I'm not sure where the sudden Chinese accent came from. Just one day, I sounded like Fong Wu down at the Chinese laundry. "You wan that ween?" Of course I spent most of my early teen years with an equally strange Irish accent. I'd walk around Catholic school, going up to people saying, "So O'Brien, you're saying yer bared wit' yer geography homeweerk."

I guess you can see why I've never been particularly popular and always lived in my own little world. I'd like to escape it actually. Go out and live amongst the living. I mean individuality and creativity is awesome. And I have loads of it. But its also very lonely. When I'm engaged in something creative like writing or art or photography I'm like on a high. And then when people react favorably to my work its even better. Its almost like getting hugged, except well, I'm not.

Also I've always sought people's attention through my work, instead of through my personality. Always. The few times I've let someone in, and man that entry fee into my heart is huge(!!!), I am so cautious that those people had to work really hard and they had to let me know that they were serious and I had to believe that they liked me for me.

This was actually the subject of my last session with "A". "A" is gone for a while. I won't be seeing him for just a few days short of a month. Its been hard. I'm trying to stay afloat. I had that great week or two when I almost had friends. I haven't seen Charlemagne since I last saw "A", so I've retreated back into my well-worn shell doing some art stuff with photography and going to my watercolor class. I've also been walking a lot since the weather has been getting better, but unfortunately I feel lost.

I did have a young guy say hi to me out on the trail at the Upper Lake today. And yes, I did say "Hi" back, but then I turned around and walked back rather than walking around the lake like I planned. I bad. Its just that my mojo has a dead battery.

10 comments so far << | >>

Older Entries
upsy, downsy, upsy, splat! - 2010-05-22
April sours bring May flowers? - 2010-05-01
when finding a head in the recycling bin is the highlight of your month - 2010-03-28
fifty two chances to be awesome...ok maybe - 2010-02-20
its sorta like "Grease" except there's no musical numbers and I'm really old - 2010-02-05


Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty