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2007-05-10 @ 2:01 p.m.
it went downhill after the duck sex incident

Well, Wednesday Art Sandwich Day started out nice enough. Okay, it was a little sweaty and hot. Mid-80's and humid. The morning was okay though. I went over to the YMCA for my landscape acrylic painting class and we carried our easels outside for the first time and worked in the shade on the side of the building. Have I ever mentioned I love painting outside? I love the fresh air and hearing the birds sing. We didn't really have that much of a great view. Just three trees, the parking lot, a hill and a medical building up on a hill. Yup, I definitely want a painting of a parking lot full of SUVs!

We had a new woman join us, who replaced the former "I suck. I need constant reassurance from everybody. Please compliment me and make me feel loved" person. She introduced herself and said to me, "Oh, its you. Ha, ha, I almost ran over you out in the parking lot. Remember me?"

Flashback and eerie music: Witty walking out in the YMCA parking lot, when some bitch in a massive black, shiny SUV zoomed through an empty parking space whilst blithely talking on a cell phone, nearly plowing me down while I called her a fucking bitch under my breath". Me: "Oh yes, I DO remember you."

And then for the next hour and a half I had to listen to her constant stream of whining. "Do you have a smaller canvas? This is too big for me to paint. I can't paint this much space. What colors do I put together to make dirt?" And instead of painting the scene we all were painting, she painted a few childlike dandelions down in the grass. Oy

Afterwards I did my laundry. I went over and checked out the swan's nest in the nearby pond to see if the eggs have hatched yet and they haven't. But I then saw the most hideous thing...5 or so male Mallard ducks swarming something in the water. I went over and looked and it was a dead female duck. She was upside down in the water. And those little bastards were still trying to have sex with her. Eeew! It was so gross. Poor thing. I felt so bad for her. Its really been the week for dead things here at wittykitty central. First I saw a dead hawk on a hike. Then a weird looking dead fish out at the canal, which initially made me say out loud, "Oh my god, a penguin"...don't ask. Then I smelled something really rank near Guardcat's cat box and it seems that my darling had crunched a mouse and left it to rot behind the cat box. So enough with the dead things, all right!?!

I did come home after the laundry jaunt for a quick nap before my night art class. I had dropped Charlemagne a quick note saying I would help him hosting. He then called not ten minutes later and said, "Will you help me to host the class tonight?" Me: "Ummmm, ok." Him: "Can you come at 6, since you know how stressed out I get?" Me: "Of course." And then 10 minutes later. Rrrrrringgg! Charlemagne: "Can you come and pick me up too? You don't have to. I can get a ride." Me: "Shut up. I'll come and get you".

Intro to Bad Evening.

So I got to his house at five minutes to six and sat in my car. I was a little early. I was all hot and sweaty since it was hot and humid and I had also had a little quickie before I left the house. Heat makes me fantastically horny, ya see. So then I see Charlemagne waving his arms from his porch, so I go into his house. He's all frantic as usual. It seems there was a plumbing malfunction in his upstairs bathroom and he needed to fix it before his girlfriend got home and he didn't have the right tools. And supposedly there was no water shut off in the bathroom. I find this hard to believe. Just look under the sink, doofy.

I told him to call Handyman, my former date mate across the street, to borrow a possible tool. He does, supposedly, but then hangs up on him, in apparent frustration because his tool wasn't going to be big enough (something I never got to find out -- heh... moving on). So suddenly I'm driving Charlemagne to the fucking hardware store. We get there. He runs in. I sit in the car....steaming in every way possible. He runs out twice during his little shopping excursion. Once to tell me the one and only clerk is cutting a key and he can't ring him up and then the second time with this huge wrench (now Charlemagne's tool is very impressive), but freaks out when he realizes the tool is only 5/16" instead of 8/16" if there is such a thing. He doesn't have a bag or receipt by the way. Just a giant wrench in his hand.

So he finally jumps in the car. I'm starting to get a little panicky, since we're supposed to be down at the community center setting up for our class. I drive him back to his house thinking, oh...he'll run in, wrench that little leaky mother, and then we'll go down and everything will be hunky dory but no. We get there, he hands me the keys to the building and says, "You can host the class. Its really easy! JS will be there shortly anyways. Bye!" and disappears up his steps.

Was I stressed? Just a tad!! So I raced down to the center and went upstairs to find five huge African American dudes and a blonde woman doing some kind of kung fu class in our space. I've never seen them there before, so I stood for about 5 minutes and then finally said I really needed to get started in setting up for the next group that was coming in. Their response? We're not done yet, so no you can't start. And since they were doing king fu things with these big mofo three bladed knife thingies and bamboo poles that could, in essence, be used to beat an innocent yet stressed out artsy artist girl with, I just stood there and waited.

Finally after much more clanging of the mofo knife thingies and a very elaborate farewell ceremony with each other, I was finally able to open our closet and attempt to pull things out. Usually the Kid Doctor shows up early, but naturally this would be the week he wasn't there. Ugh!! Finally about ten minutes before our class was to start, our first customer straggled in...a young Hawaiian man in his early twenties. I enlisted his help in setting things up. And then another guy helped. Fortunately I was wearing a low cut sundress, so the damsel in distress thing worked really well.

JS got there a few minutes later and hooked up the stereo system which baffled all of us and asked me if I truly wanted to host (NO), but then I did anyways. My first time...ever. I had to stand up in front of everyone (terrifying) and talk (horrifying) and figure out how to use the timer to time our poses (overwhelming, especially for someone who's dumb about technical stuff).

So it just was not a good night. It was really hot and sweaty. I was stressed to the max. And I'm thinking that Charlemagne OWES me big time! Grrrrr!!!!

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty