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2006-06-17 @ 1:12 a.m.
cool people use real phones


Could someone please tell me what this damn thing is about?



Because one of my male coworkers came into a meeting, with one stuck in his ear on Monday and I was like WTF...I mean WTF?!?!?... did the omnipresent pod people replace him with a cyborg over the weekend? I mean is that like the stupidest looking thing ever? How difficult could it be to reach into your fucking pocket to pull out your cell phone? Oww! My hand hurts. Wait, let me have my phone surgically implanted into my auditory canal! Good god people, don’t you realize how completely and utterly dorky you look? I’m sure when you’re looking in the mirror in the morning, brushing your teeth and Condoleeza Rice calls and you tweak a nose hair or whatever you do to answer the damn thing, you probably think ‘Wow, I’m really cool!”, but look at yourself dude...



It’s like the 2006 equivilency to polyester.

And even though I’m fairly desperate for a date, if a guy ever met me at Barnes and Noble for our first date with one of those things protruding from his ear, I’d keep walking I tell you. He could be like the most stunning example of what I want: The medium height thingie, dark curly hair, dark eyes and he could be standing there reading a book entitled “How to massage a funny, neurotic woman until she has multiple orgasms” and I would still walk by. Why?

Because they’re just so retarded! Please tell me none of you guys wear them. Plllleeeasse!!! You guys are cool, right? Right?? I really can’t see any of you guys doing anything as stupid as jamming a big retardo plastic thing in your ear, pretending to be Ah-nold Cyborg-negger. Because why would you? Its not like you just escaped from a intergalactic prison and need to stay in contact with your fellow cyborgian escapees. Right?

Of course if I got one as a gift, and it wasn’t marked in any way, like: “Stupid ear phone thing”, I would probably think it was like a white-out applicator. Can you imagine me trying to white out typos with a plutonian earpod? I mean, who’s the geek now, witty?

My shrink “A” is a real techno-geek himself. He has like every new gadget you could ever think of. He also has, I believe several different cellphones, because I’ve heard them both ring (the theme from “Monty Python”) and vibrate, all within the timeframe of my half hour appointment. I’ve also seen him in his car with a headset on and seen him walking with his headset on. So what am I saying? What am I saying? He is a prime candidate for one of these geek accessories. He already has the Austin Power’s glasses thing going on. Can you imagine adding one of these?



....the mullet haircut of cellphones. Didn’t we used to make fun of deaf kids in grammar school when they wore these? I think even Angelina Jolie would look stupid.

Yeah, even her!


So I just hope if you were considering buying one of these, you’ve been embarrassed into reconsidering, because you know what? Cool people use Real Phones.


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