2006-12-22 @ 8:27 p.m.
Oh har, har, har, I just found a list of Christmas gifts designed specifically for Bipolars. Can you imagine us having our own special niche of presents?
I would think cold hard cash would be the best gift for a Bipolar since they are probably 1) unemployed and on disability. 2) They were probably once rich but they blew their fortune whilst buying 1350 pairs of leather boots on E-Bay during a manic episode 3) Just look at how they’re dressed. Would YOU want to be wearing oversized pink floral pajama bottoms with a tee-shirt that says “Erotic Exotic Ball” with a picture of a vagina on the back? 4) Excessive phone sex....since they’re too self-centered to actually have relationships. 5) 15,249 text messages @ 99 cents each to “Deal or No Deal” because they think Howie Mandel will invite them to
But no....evidently someone thought it would be funny to actually BUY a Bipolar a gift from this rather engaging catalogue, which thoughtfully describes the gift as well:
1) The "Whatever" Wall Clock
Here's how we really feel about time most of the time. If we want to sleep, we want to do it now, whether it's bedtime or not. If we want to wash the car immediately, we don't care if it's 3 a.m. Supposed to be somewhere an hour ago? Whatever!
2) "The World Revolves Around ME" T-Shirt
This one speaks for itself. Cotton T-shirt says, "New scientific evidence proves the world does revolve around me" and displays a planetary diagram with "ME" at the center and "The World" as its moon.
Why do they need a diagram, isn’t it already obvious?
3) "Let the Stress Begin" Mug
Ain't that the truth? These days, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't have a use for this mug reading "Good Morning - Let the Stress Begin"! Ceramic, microwave and dishwasher safe.
Hell, why would I have to worry if its dishwasher safe? I’ll probably be throwing it at the next precious yuppie, who nearly smashes into my car while chatting on their goddamn cell phone.
4) Mug Set: Queen of Everything / King of What's Left
If she tends toward grandiosity, give her a mug that suits the mood and give yourself a matching bonus. Hers proclaims "Queen of Everything" while yours dubs you "King of What's Left." (We suggest you keep yours out of sight if her sense of humor wanes.*)
*See potential for violence above. Warning! Warning!
5) Memory Loss Lane Detour Sign
Since so many of our medications affect memory, we might as well poke fun at the situation. Also suitable for milestone birthdays. Stoneware plaque with leather hanger.
Yeah, like I really want to be reminded that my brain cells are slowly disintegrating from massive amounts of medications that don’t really help, especially when I’m yelling and screaming in my car, making up long elaborate voodoo curses for people who are cutting me off in traffic, walking behind me when I’m trying to pull out of a parking space, or honking their horn like .0001 seconds after a light changes to green. You’re all on my list....on that stupid Stoneware plaque with leather hanger.
Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty