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2003-09-16 @ 2:47 p.m.
Quiet, past life regression in progress

Its mid-afternoon on a beautiful Autumn Day. Have been working on business cards for the Married Guy all afternoon. He's too cheap to have it done down at the local print shop now, so he's going with an Internet printing deal. 250 cards for $9.99. And I'm recreating his loverly card. The hardest part was finding clouds. He has clouds floating by on his cards. Searched Google but the DPI was not good enough so I finally found some on a clip art disk I have. Hopefully it will reproduce ok at the Internet Print Shop.

Meanwhile Autumn is happening outside. And its beautiful. And I should be out there. Ya know?

Went to my shrink this morning. What, pray tell, do you think we talked about? Oh...dumping the Married Guy of course. Our favorite subject. Actually it was a really good appointment, mainly because I got an entire half hour. There were no phone calls during it. And my shrink wasn't playing with his palm pilot. I actually felt important and cared for. Funny how little that takes.

I told him about my almost date encounters over the weekend. Guys sitting next to me at the concert and then asking me the time. I got kind of a shock about what all that meant, however.

Anyways, he said by not TELLING the guys what time it was, but only showing them my watch I was saying "Fuck off".

Oh dear. How rude of me. Did I say that? Didn't mean to. Thought I was just being shy. Sorry guys. Hope you didn't have to go home and call your shrinks and ask them why women keep telling you to fuck off.

So I was just trying to figure out why its ok to be cute and adorable with the Married Guy and shy and freaked out with the rest of the male population. I, of course, reminded my shrink, that the first time I met the Married Guy, I was naked within 5 minutes (for a massage). Naturally my shrink had to AGAIN bring up the natural comparison between me and my Mom and our proclivity towards married men. And I had to keep reminding my shrink that I was coworker and friend with the Married Guy long before anything ever happened.

So again I agreed to try to open myself up to new experiences. I've had two people offer up men to me this week. My Mom. And my other shrink. My Mom wants me to meet some guy she met online who lives in a nearby town named Jim. She even went as far as to tell him where we'll be dining Friday night. Ack! And then my other shrink, who is very by-the-book, surprised me by giving me a description of a someone who sounds very agreeable. He owns property in the country, has a degree in English, likes animals, was the editor of a literary publication in college. All things my older shrink knows would push my buttons in a positive way. And oh, he's gentle. A most necessary attribute for someone who is as scared of life as me.

But what is all this sudden attention to my love life about? Not really sure. Guess I'm not going out pursuing enough man-meat, and my relatives and shrink-a-ronis are starting to order in. Oy!

I did go out briefly today. Went to the local hippy store. Does that seem to be a theme this week? I mainly went because I needed to get a business card of Married Guys, so I could copy the style. And that was the closest place I could find.

I always like going there, because it reminds me of California. Its mainly a bookstore, but they also sell jewelry and crystals and teas. I cruised around the book section for a while. Although Lord knows, I don't need any more, but I did hit upon a couple of good titles. "From Crappy to Happy" (about how to make your life happier. If only my bank account wasn't so crappy I could have bought a copy). And then there was " to see yours in 60 seconds!" Oh yay! "Homosexuality and Astrology" (how to spot a gay Leo). And then I was briefly rummaging around through their bulletin boards which was thick with flyers for psychics, tarot card readers, massage therapists, aura readers and animal communicators and I nearly got hit by a door opening in the hallway. Some guy was coming out of a side room. I went to say something and he quickly put his finger up to his lips and pointed. There was a sign on the door that said:

"Quiet, past life regression in progress!"

Oh, silly all I was worried about was if I'll ever have a date again.

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