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2003-11-29 @ 8:13 p.m.
zen-nuts revisited

Oh God, I'm so depressed. I just looked at this little thing I have that tells me what people Google to get here. The last one was "Why I can't get a date".

Yup, come visit Wittykitty and get all the ass-kicking details on why you can't get a date.

Maybe I should just rename my diary LessLikelyToGetLaidThan"AverageJoe".

I am still puzzled by Google. I still have Selma Hayek fans pouring in for some reason. One day about two weeks ago there was this really oddball Google referral...."Sucking my cat's ear". Ya know, I am absolutely positive I have never ever said that in the last 4 months. Why would Google deliver those people to my humble diary?

And then when I type my name into it, it delivers me to things I've typed into other people's guestbooks months ago. It looks really odd, because they are totally out of context and I look like a stalker. So if you type Stalker in Google and come up with Awittykitty, maybe your suspicions will be confirmed.

I am in an incredibly grumpy mood. Its tough being in your mid-40's. I have both PMS and menopausal mood swings and I'm bipolar. Its like the battle of the titans. They run in tandem, mowing down innocent bystanders. I make Joan Crawford look like that Touched by an Angel chick.

Its days like this I can totally understand the motivation of the Glenn Close character in "Fatal Attraction". And oh, that poor Jack Nicholson in "The Shining". That whiny wife would have made me want to get out a large axe too.

All work and no play, makes Jack...

I can always gauge my mood by how clean my house is. The worst I feel the cleaner the house is. Last night as I was kneeling behind the toilet at 1:30 a.m. cleaning, I knew this wasn't a good sign.

I think this current bout has a lot to do with what happened last week with the zen-shrink. I have now told several people now about him running his hands up and down his inner thigh and then over his zen-nuts and they think he's a perv.

I am at a loss about what to do, however.

At first I didn't think much about it, but the more I thought about it, the more it has bothered me. I have felt increasingly anxious and depressed since it happened.

I even woke up with a really severe night terror the other night. And for those who have never had one, they are pretty scary. You wake up out of a sound sleep with your heart racing and sweaty. You basically feel like you're having a heart attack.

I've even blamed myself for what happened with zen-shrink. I've lost a lot of weight recently and look better. I thought maybe I brought it on somehow. And this all really makes me sad, because I've always had a really good relationship with this person and now I feel like I have been totally betrayed. How could he do this to me?

All I keep seeing over and over, is his hands coming up over his balls, rather firmly, and them kind of bunching up between his hands, so I know he was applying pressure to them. Right in front of me....


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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty