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2003-12-14 @ 3:28 p.m.
willie wonka or saddam hussein?

So the big decision today, in the television watching I want to watch somebody searching Saddam Hussein's mouth for weapons of mass destruction over and over and over and over and over and over and over on all the major networks OR do I want to watch "Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"?

Hmmm. I guess you probably know that even though they both have that sexy, wild hair thing going on, I definitely chose Gene Wilder and his lickable fruit wallpaper.

But earlier, while George Bush was getting his Christmas present a little early, I was trying to sleep, but I had this little black dog grunting and dancing at my bedside at 6:45 a.m. So I had to drag my lazy ass out of bed. But its a little weird being in a strange house at dawn. I didn't turn on any lights and I just felt my way down stairs, hoping not to trip over the darn dog. Unfortunately, the front door doesn't have a traditional lock, and you have to lock and unlock it with keys, so I'm struggling with the damn keys, cursing, and the dog is doing the freakin' hokie pokie.

Simmer down skippy.

And I can hear this really weird noise. And it's really loud. And when I finally opened the front door, the sound hit me like a stereo blasting out of 50 foot speakers. There were hundreds and hundreds of crows roosting in the trees overhead and they were all cawing simultaneously. It was like a freakin' Stephen King movie. Caw, caw, caw. I was like WTF.

Fortunately, the dog did her thing and we were back into the house before the Harbinger of Horror, whatever it was, could be played out.

As soon as I got back upstairs to the bedroom the phone rang. I ran to pick it up...this is at 6:55 a.m., mind you, and there was no one on the line. Fruck! I really don't think it was my anonymous caller though, because only 4 people know I'm shrink, my mom, Married Guy and my social worker. But I was a little shaken. Maybe it was just someone checking to see if I was here for the owners. Yeah, that's it. (shiver)

So, fortunately I was able to go back to sleep, but I had the creepiest dream after that. I generally don't remember my dreams much anymore, but this one was really distinctive.

I was coming out to my car, which was parked right outside of Zen-shrinks office and there was this envelope stuck to the hood of my car. So I picked it up and brought it with me to Married Guy's house. It was during a party and there were people around. Not unlike last week's party. When I opened the envelope there were a bunch of different sheets of paper in there with weird writing on them saying things like I hate you, I'm going to get you. You're dead. Some of them were done in the style of a ransom note, with cut out print from magazines and some were just hand written, kind of scribbly.

Married Guy was sitting in a chair and I was sitting down on the floor, between his legs. I leaned back and he wrapped his arms around me from behind and was hugging me. But strangely I didn't feel comforted. In the dream I was thinking they might possibly be from him.

Is that not weird? Of course I did watch the movie "Secretary" last night. And the sitting between his legs and him wrapping his arms around my neck from behind. Him being in the dominant position may have had something to do with the movie, which had a strong S&M theme.

I liked the movie. It was very sexual and I thought the actress Maggie Gylanhaal (sorry I still don't know the spelling of her last name) was just phenomenal. But the themes were definitely a little disturbing and the home life of her character were very reminiscent of mine...the overbearing, smothery mother and the alcoholic father and the fighting.

But back to good old Willie Wonka. I sure hope they never remake that movie with Mike Meyers. I can just see Hollywood fucking it up, making it into some big, overblown, digitally enhanced, slightly smutty (with jokes about Wonkas) piece of shit. I'd much rather see the incredibly low-tech version with Gene Wilder. I love how he plays the character in such an oddball way. Not huggable. Not smirky, like Mike Meyers would be. And the Oompa Loompas. What great dancers. Who knew? Ever yen to see a "little person" do a cartwheel? Well, this movie has it. And those white shoe polish eye brows are happening!

Once I got out of "Secretaryland" last night, I did watch "Saturday Night Live". That show has definitely improved over the last few years -- writing wise, especially the Weekend Update segments. Very few clunkers. I also enjoyed seeing young Elijah Woods. He certainly has a unique look, old Ring-boy. His eyes are so haunting.

I've actually seen Elijah in person. Back in the late 1980's in California he was shooting a movie about 2 miles from where I worked and I used to go over on my lunch hour and watch them shoot.

The movie? A little known domestic drama called, "Radio Flyer" which was directed by Richard Donner. He, of course, was still a child at that point. And a very cute one. And you know who was playing his mother in the film? Lorraine Bracco. The sexy shrink in "The Sopranos".

Ah, the good old days, when I actually had a life. Well, can't think of much else except that by tomorrow there will probably be about 24 inches of snow on my freakin' car. Yippie skippie. I'm so glad I moved to the East Coast from California. Just another in a series of really excellent decisions on my part. Yay for me.

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