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2004-02-07 @ 4:23 p.m.
canole royale - the pastry who loved me

Ever think you have a brain tumor because you smell gas in your apartment? I've had a really bad headache the last two days. And nausea. So late last night, around 2 a.m., I sniffed around the stove to see what I might be smelling and sure enough I became convinced - Houston, we have a gas leak.

Of course, I am neroutic, and this could be another wittykitty misadventure but I guess putting the leaking gas scenario first and the inoperable brain tumor second, didn't make me feel so stupid.

I knew I didn't want to call the landlord. It was late. What about the power company? I was scared they'd come rolling up with their lights flashing and Mr. Soprano would come roaring out in his size 54 raw silk kimono and yell at all of us...not unlike last month.

So I decided to just go to bed. If I woke up the next day, I'd call someone. If I didn't, you could all go to the Wittykitty Memorial at St. O'Frankensnertz Church and Grill.

Well, needless to say, we all woke up (me and the kitty). Tried calling the landlord but he wasn't home. His wife had told me they might be going down in New York this week, so I figured they were gone. So I called the power company.

"Gassy smell. Headaches. Nausea." They soon dispatched a truck, and who comes pulling up first? ...the landlord. Damn he's going to be pissed if the power company is here again for the second time in a month. Unfortunately it was too late to cancel the emergency crew.

And then the power truck comes pulling up behind their car. Frook, can't block in the Sopranos, so I went running out to tell them not to block the caddie. (I've been yelled at for that too).

It was my cousin! He's been with the power company over 30 years. And even though he's in management, he gets bored, and puts himself out on "rescuing helpless women from gas fumes" patrol. Gave him a hug. I usually only see him once a year at my aunt's. He's a very nice guy. He used to be my favorite cousin when I was a kid.

So Barry came in and his little carbon monoxide detecting machine lit up. Yay, I'm not nerotic...OK, at least not for this part). I had CM, but it wasn't a huge amount. After a little looking around, he found that the pilot light in my stove was he relit that and asked to look at my furnace downstairs. I got a little uptight, because I know Mr. Soprano doesn't like people looking at his decrepit furnace. It needs repair and I don't think he's willing to spend one thin dime on this place.

Barry said not to worry about the grump and went and talked to him. I just stayed in the house. Didn't want to hang around like last time. Barry was quickly back and told me of a certain problem with the furnace that Soprano said he would fix in Monday. Yeah, right. And then he remeasured the carbon monoxide level and it had already dropped two points, so he suggested leaving a window cracked.

Well, I figured my brain is already fried by various chemicals, so what's a few more days? I'll just be Paris Hilton without the bank account.

Afterwards I headed over to the Yuppie Mart. Food stamps are finally in place, so time for some new groceries...finally. Yay!

Decided to treat myself to some Chinese food. It's one of those big mega-stores with restaurants, photo-finishing, pharmacy, capachino bars, pizza take-out. You can practically adopt children and do your taxes there.

After some vegetarian lo-mein, I headed out with my shopping cart. And who do I see but my shrink, cell phone in usual, in the bakery department. That man should really just get his phone surgically attached. I've never seen anyone so close with their cell phone.

But he was partially turned away from me, lusting after some pastries evidentally. So I aimed my shopping cart right at his butt and took a running start.

He did this to me once when I was standing in the cat food department, except he shoved a cart towards me and just let it go.

But I guess the fast movement, caught his eye and he turned around and gave me a nice "A" grin. He is such a cutie. He has a very disarming smile. Of course, I don't get to see it very often during my appointments, but I know its there.

It's funny however, that whenever I see him out in public, I get nervous. Its almost like he's not my shrink, who knows every last thing about me, but just some nice looking guy. I always get shy and quiver a little inside. Ok, I quiver a lot. And I feel really tongue tied.

So he asked me what was going on. I said nothing. He said something else about picking up some canoles and then smiled and said, "Ya gotta have canoles". I smiled too.

I was actually thinking of the last time I had had canoles about a year and a half ago. I had gone to a massage with Married Guy and he had given me one of the best massages of all time and I got totally damp.

So driving home, since I was feeling so freakin' lusty, I stopped at grocery store and picked up some canoles. They kinda looked like this...

You know with strawberries at one end.

And then I took them home, unwrapped everything...(heh, heh...yeah I mean everything) and preceded to eat the canoles in a slow, sensuous manner....Tongue in and out, exploring the strawberries with my mouth.

Yeah, I know....bad wittykitty...hee hee. And naturally I ended in bed, licking the sweetness off my hands and face and other parts of my body that had accidently gotten smeared with cream. Whoops. Damn those canoles.

So today, when my shrink said, "Ya gotta have canoles." I was thinking, ya know, I couldn't agree with you more!


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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty