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2004-12-07 @ 1:13 a.m.
life divided into 500 equal and not so equal pieces

I just sort of randomly noticed that I just hit my 500th diaryland entry yesterday, and even though Iím not particularly math oriented (I still canít do my checkbook at age 46), I thought it would be interesting to break down my entries mathematically into subject matters. For instance I have probably had:
  • 55 massages with Married Guy since I started writing

  • Iíve been mad at Married Guy about 100 times since I started. Although if it was before the end of September, the number would have dropped dramatically, to perhaps about 10-15 times.

  • How many times have I gotten gushy, professed my love or lusted after Married Guy? Probably about 250 times.

  • How many times have I been mad at ďAĒ? About 5-8 times, which is pretty good considering how emotional I get with him. How many times has he truly deserved it? Once.

  • How many times have I mentioned ďAĒ, either in asking him advice or quoting him or saying what a great guy he is? Probably about 325 times. You get good press here ďAĒ. You deserve it. Why? Because you have to put up with me and even though Iím incredibly cute, Iím also a handful and I know it. Thanks.

  • How many times have I ranted about my mother? Probably about 175 times. And she is such a deserving candidate. She is largely responsible for the way I feel about myself, i.e., my insecure personality, and low self esteem. When you make fun of your kids when theyíre growing up, they kinda believe you. You know...the formative years.

  • How many times have I mentioned that I was poverty stricken or down to my last few dollars? Well, how many months have I been writing this? Probably at the end of every month. Things have improved slightly with the addition of my new part time job and I actually managed to not bounce any checks for the first time since June. Yay me!

  • How many times have I said, ďYay, meĒ Probably about 440 times. Most of the time Iím saying it, Iím saying it sarcastically though, in case you havenít noticed. And maybe thats because nobody ever said anything like ďYay, witty! Good job!Ē when I was growing up. Although my friend ďGĒ down in Manhattan did say ďAtta girlĒ to me the other night about something and it was kind of cute. It meant more than he knew.

  • How many times have I typed an entry naked or partially naked? Probably about 15-20 times. I am the proprietress of the Typing Naked Diary Ring after all.

  • How many times have I slept naked since writing those 500 entries? About 150 times.

  • How many times have I been naked outside? Twice this summer.

  • How many times have I talked about masturbating? Probably about 10-12 times.

  • How many drawings or painting or photos have I posted in my diary? Iíve actually lost track, but probably about 25-30. How many have I actually liked? Two or three. But I figured it was therapeutic to put stuff out for people to look at and then if somebody liked something, it was like a bonus.
  • How many times has writing a diary entry been therapeutic? 497 times. Ďnuf said.

  • Has my writing improved since I started writing on an almost daily basis? Hell, yes. I had written professionally before, but that was 500 words once a week. Not 500 words, 7 times a week. I still make grammatical errors and engage in run on sentences, but what the hell, its my diary, I can do what ever I want to, right?

  • Has anyone you know ever found your diary? Yes, I think so. They wonít say so, so we just pretend like they donít know. Itís better that way. I do talk to them though it though. Itís sort of like a sly wink.

  • Is there anyone who you wouldnít want to find your diary? God yes. Married Guy. Married Guy would probably beat me to a bloody pulp. It wouldnít be a pretty picture. Iíve still mostly protected him, but I have trashed his wife in a fine, yet catty manner.

  • Have you ever lied in your diary? No. Why would I need to? Everything I write about, is exactly how I saw things that day (like say the Zenshrink thing, my relationship with Married Guy, etc.). And sure they are colored emotionally...MY emotions...but that is what diaries are for. Venting. Getting your emotions out.

  • Do you ever experience emotions when youíre writing your diary? Quite a bit. Mostly crying when Iím upset about something. But once in a while, Iíll write something really cheeky and say, ďDamn, youíre funnyĒ and start laughing out loud.

  • Have you ever deleted an entry after you put it on? Yes. Once when I was house sitting at a pastorís house, I had written an entry about masturbating and how much more enjoyable it was because it was in a pastorís house and somehow forbidden and sinful. I deleted it because I figured Iíd probably go straight to hell. It was really well written and funny though. darn.

  • How many times have you written an entry about your cat or included a picture? Probably about 10-15 times. My favorite entry was Sex Toy Hockey. I was ďgetting busyĒ in bed one afternoon when Guard Cat started playing with the smaller sex toy attachment pieces and swatted one of them off my bed and started playing hockey out in the living room with one of the detachable plastic tips to my vibrator.

  • Do you think people really know you through your diary? Not really. Iím alot more interesting in my diary than in real life. Iím extremely quiet and shy in real life. And while I can get off some great riffs of anger in awittykitty, in real life, Iím afraid to express anger and usually just appear to be sullen. I do have a sense of humor though, and even though Iím shy, I will throw in zingers unexpectedly into conversations, and people will be surprised that the shy girl is so funny. The only people who really knows about my sense of humor is ďAĒ and Married Guy. M.G. and I had really similar senses of humor (extremely sardonic) and used to riff off each other. I do that with ďAĒ a little, but heíll only do it at the end of my session usually. He knows Iím funny and I think thatís why he puts up with me...because Iím able to zing with the best of them and he appreciates that.

  • Do you think that people who write diaries are looking for love and acceptance that they may not be finding in real life? Well, sure I look at my stats and say, gee only 42 people loved me today, and most of them were googling for nude pictures of Selma Hyack. I think when you get on diaryland, you go through phases. First your write your initial entries. And then you start reading the popular people like Uncle Bob and Pork Tornado. And then you start leaving comments on their websites. And then people start popping in on your diary from comments left on the big boyís diaries. And then you start relationships with them. And then you build your readers. And then that becomes really important to you. I know, I went through all that. Now I just have a small group of people I read, and yes, I admit, Iím very involved in their lives. Its kind of like watching TV except its someoneís real life. And I comment in their guestbooks, like a tip of the hat, or I hear ya. But its less about ďgetting seenĒ these days, then truly being interested in what the person is doing. Kinda weird, huh? Almost voyeuristic in a way. But since I donít have cable TV and real life is so much more interesting than television, I have really gotten into it. And I kind of like watching other people screw up. Kinda makes me feel like Iím not the only one. And its also really nice when your few folks, drop you lines regularly, and prop you up on bad days. It feels good that somebody would take the time to say chin up and I really appreciate it. Who knew that a blog, could be so therapeutic?
  • Why do people add me as a favorite? I have absolutely no clue. I have a lot of young readers, which though nice, is a mystery to me, since Iím a middle aged woman. I can only guess they like that Iím pissed off all the time. Maybe that appeals to them. Or that I have mommy issues. Or that Iím in love with the wrong person. Or that I like to masturbate and actually admit it. Or that Iím very emotional and Iím not afraid to show it. Or that I can be angsty and funny at the same time. I can see when somebody might add me, when I run the occasional banner, but when someone just adds me randomly for no reason, I wonder...where did they find me? Or are they going to drop me as soon as I start ranting about my mother, or weeping about Married Guy or talking to my shrink ďAĒ throughout an entry even though heís not there. Iím afraid that part is pretty much the real me. I have something called Rapid Cycling, which, being bipolar, means a lot of things are going through my head at any given moment, and sometimes when I write, its the only thing that will calm down...believe it or not.

  • Do I get bored doing this? Sometimes. And sometimes I have nothing to write about like today. I went to my meeting this morning, came home, fell asleep for 4 hours on the couch, woke up in a dark house and then cooked a salty piece of ham. Not exactly a barn-burner of a day. But then I noticed the 500 number on my diaryland counter thingie and voila...a diary entry. Iíve also pulled many an entry out of one small thing that may have happened during the day or something someone said. And Iím also constantly writing things down in my datebook, like ďdolphin telepathyĒ from last December. Who knows what that meant?

  • Have I learned any new words on diaryland? The only one that comes to mind is WTF and I really like that one. I use it alot. And I think I also created my own...fruck, since Iím so lady-like. NOT.

  • I live in the same city as another diaryland writer who is on a lot of your favoriteís list. Itís funny reading about her going to this certain restaurant and store and I know exactly where she is. But would I ever contact this person and tell her I live in her town? Nope.

    Well, its after 1 a.m. and thatís about it, for Ms. 500 entries. Hope youíve learned something. And thanks for sticking with me. You guys are great!

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