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2005-10-28 @ 1:21 a.m.
dipping your chip in a skull for starters

Man, it was the weirdest thing tonight when I was driving home from work. I was downtown sitting at a stoplight at dusk and it was all dark and gloomy like its been like the last eleventy hundred days, and I looked up in the sky and suddenly realized it was filled with masses of black fluttering specks. At first, since its nearly Halloween, I was convinced it was an evil vortex of vampire bats filtering out of City Hall, since thats where most of our evil is located locally anyways. Especially around election time. But than upon closer examination, I realized that the sky was filled with hundreds, if not thousands of crows flying around. It was really creepy.

And speaking of creepy, and no were not speaking of Republicans, last night was my art class' yearly Halloween celebration. Its a night where we go all out and act weirder than usual which is really weird with some really strange and creepy Halloween oriented music and a costumed model (which for a nekkid model class is kind of unusual) and lots of special treats served inside of plastic human skulls guarded by Satan babies with yellow eyes and goat horns. And yes, we even had an actual human skull on our food table, because, yes, we're so freakin' weird and cool, us artist types. Although no, we didn't put any guacamole dip into it, because, gosh, human skulls are kinda hard to wash in the sink. But yes, if they were easier, sure we would have, because yes, we're so freakin' cool, because, after all, yes, we're a.r.t.i.s.t.s., the very essence of coolness, because after all...look! Skulls for dip! COOOOOL!!!!!! Evil Devil Dolls with yellow eyes and goat horns lording over the bowl of tortilla chips! The very essence of coolness to the Nth Power Times 13 with Yellow, Man!!

But then a spider actually ran out of the eye of the devil doll and our young intern screamed when that happened and I don't blame her because I would have too, even though I'm cool artist, but you know...SPIDERS....and ok, I'll admit it, I actually kinda screamed too, but just quietly, because I was standing nearby eating a tortilla chip, so I just kinda screamed "tortilla" and coughed nondescriptly, but I was really screaming about the spider, but I didn't want to seem uncool, but you know SPIDERS!!!!!! (shiver).

It was a pretty fun night though. I decided after being told I would be cute if I lost weight last week, that I would dress appropriately, so I kinda went slut-vinsky this week. Last week I had on my baggy jeans and my gray hoody. This week, I wore my tightest jeans, sans panties, my black sweater unbuttoned below my purple lacy underwire bra, showing off my microscopic, though delectably pale cleavage. I gelled my hair. Put makeup on....blush, eye liner, lip stick and....and...meh....I still don't think anyone noticed. And nitwit, er...Charlemagne the Obnoxious French Guy wasn't there. Oh well. His loss. So I just sat next to "L" the hippy chick and we gossiped about people.

My favorite model was there. She always does interesting stuff and brings interesting props. Last night she brought a pumpkin and a knife and carved a pumpkin while posing. I talked to her during the break. She had gotten married down in New Orleans last Spring, so she's been doing some fundraising for flood relief, since the place is so near and dear to her heart. Here's my interpretation of her...

Today at work, late afternoon, we started to set up our big yearly art show. Last year we had 19 participants...this year 45. I had hoped that we would have more to put out today, but we literally only had my work, and just one other person's, so tomorrow morning is going to be a bitch! The show is going to open at 10:30 so I have to get there by 8:45 and hopefully we'll get some help. Today only one other person from my department showed up. I was really disappointed. And the person I thought would most likely be there...the Lesbian Chick...the one who is always spouting the fact that she's an artist and who has been sitting in on the planning committee for this event for the whole last year? A no show today. I was floored. I couldn't believe she didn't show up the day before the show we've been planning for a whole year. Wow.

And it was pretty heavy work today too. I had to help "J" rearrange our whole fourth floor conference room. Fortunately he is a big, strapping lad and did most of the heavy lifting, which was good because my chostrochoditris was really painful today. The pain pills have been helping a little but after lifting and carrying about 20 chairs, it really started to hurt again. And then when I got downstairs and mentioned my ailment to my boss, she no longer let me do anything physical. And then I bumped into my new work arch enemy...the Boring Story Woman. I guess she is the new Arch Enemy. Remember how I was going to write the Kidnap Murder Mystery thingie? Well, I decided after much consideration that it really wasn't possible. You can't really write something with 12 words and then have an entire staff get all excited about something with only 12 words. You really would have to write an entire script and have it acted out by actors in order for it to work, so I told the person I was collaborating with that it wasn't going to work. And that person brought it back to the committee and then I later found out that...well, it was the Boring Story Lady's idea. Gulp. And now everytime I see her, she glares at me. Because I rejected HER idea. And she is really, really, really, really, really good at glaring. I mean, if there was an Olympic event for glaring, she would get the Gold medal. And now I feel really guilty. And I want to avoid her at work. But guess what? Guess who I am constantly bumping into? Go ahead! Guess!! The Boring Story Lady. She's like one of the crocodiles on "Survivor". She's always cruising up and down the aisles at work and no matter what aisle I'm walking down or what bathroom door I'm coming out of, there she is. Its really scary. And she's the one with a permit for a handgun.

So today when "J" was helping me put my artwork up for the artshow (I have 5 pieces), she was, OF COURSE, trolling around the conference room. She's civil to me. Everyone was complimenting me on my artwork, saying how nice it was. And it was nice to hear that, because I don't get many compliments in real life. But would she say anything to me? Fuck no. In fact when everyone left the room she came up to me and said, "I can't get the vacuum cleaner to work, can you help?" and to myself I was saying, "Huh? This big macho, gun totin' butch asshat can't operate a vacuum cleaner?" So I followed her to the back of the room and she said she couldn't get the handle to bend. So I looked at it, kicked the button and it immediately snapped and I turned it on. It was then I realized she really only wanted me to vacuum, since I looked around and she was gone. I guess she just couldn't tolerate that I was standing there getting all that positive feedback for my artwork.

Guess the only thing I can say, is that I'm sorry that I'm talented and you're not.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty