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2006-10-26 @ 3:50 p.m.
slothing amongst the crows and pumpkins

Oh, did I mention I'm officially unemployed now? Yay me! Way to go! I mean the part where I didn't have another job waiting for me when I left my current job. Yeah, I've always been good like that...long term planning. Like that marriage-house-kids thing. Just plain forgot about it. (Me slapping my forehead). Sheesh! See I was probably watching "The Facts of Life" with Charlotte Rae, instead of out pursuing a life partner, a career and a future. Instead I was just cleverly lolling around on the couch, eating a bowl of cereal, singing along with the theme song on the show, which of course, I still can't remember except for the incredibly cheerful refrain...."The Facts of Life....the facts of Liiii-iiife!!!!".

Hoo-boy, did I ever screw up on that part, especially since I STILL don't know the facts of life, even though I watched a cool 1970's tv series about them.

So lets see what an average day at witty's house has been this last week of unemployment.

8:00 a.m. Sleeping
9:00 a.m. Sleeping
10:00 a.m. Sleeping
10:12 a.m. A doctor calling me with lab results from 3 weeks ago. I'm gonna live. Wheee!
10:17 a.m. Sleeping
11:00 a.m. Sleeping.
11:45 a.m. Doing a live remote with CNN about how unemployment and depression affects a person's self esteem, especially when they weren't clever enough to line up another job.
11:49 a.m. Sleeping.

Well, I think you get the general idea. And then there's soup and tuna sandwich thing around 1 p.m. And then all the courtroom shows. Guardcat really likes those and she always reminds me that I probably would have ended up on "Divorce Court" if I hadn't chosen her. She's snarky like that.

During those shows I do attempt to get up from the couch, but its difficult. The sheer mechanics of hoisting my body up off a couch with no legs, is usually accompanied by lots of "Oooomph" noises. And then I'll haul my lazy ass over to my computer since I know that millions and millions of people are waiting for The Funny. That's me, by the way. The Funny, as in "ha, ha", witty is so funny.

Let's see, what can I write about? Sleeping for 15 hours. Yeah, that's funny. Check. Eating 15.6 million calories in a 3 hour period. Yeah, that's funny. Check. Making fun of Tom Cruise? We've got ourselves a winner. ding, ding, ding. Hey, I was desperate the other day. I saw that ridiculous picture of Tom Cruise and since I had absolutely nothing to write about, I thought I'd go for an easy mark. I mean, it practically wrote itself. I was just sitting nearby, eating ice cream, sending out brainwaves.

I did see the ever-delightful "A" on Tuesday. I thought I was going to get throttled for quitting my job without another one lined up, but he was very nice to me. I guess he realized that the physical aspect of the job was too demanding for me and also that I was feeling depressed about the whole thing. He mainly wanted to hear about my "date" with Handyman though. I mean, the poor guy has been trying to get me out on a date for the last 11 years I've been seeing him. This must have been like a grand slam at the World Series for him. I finally did something he said. Woot!

Oh, and the reason I put the word date in quote marks? "A" wasn't sure if our outing qualified as a date. Huh? I guess I've been out of the loop for so long that 1) I was either afraid to call it a date, because it might mean something. 2) What exactly qualifies a date as a date? Does money have to exchange hands? (NO! Not like that, you perv). I mean like does he have to take you out to a restaurant or a movie or spend money on you in order to qualify as a date? Do you have to get nekkid? What? Naturally I finally got an e-mail from Charlemagne long after the fact and he asked me if "Handyman" and I "did it" last Saturday afternoon. Yeah, right.

Anyways, so I just told "A" that things had gone all right and he was pleasant and we seemed to talk easily and that I hadn't heard from him again. And tra-la...STILL HAVEN'T, by the way. Yay me! I guess I'm just a little fuzzy about what the post-date criteria is. Oh damn...I said the word "date" again. Stop it, witty. We were just two people walking together along a canal. The truth is, I'm too shy to write him a note. And there's other things. What are they now? Oh! If something DID start, my god, I'd actually have a real relationship with someone, fraught with all sorts of scary things like (gulp) intimacy, fighting, jealousy, pettiness, possible cheating (something I know about since I've was the interloper in at least one major incidence). Yeah, I know I've left out the good stuff, like loving, kissing, sex, presents, a credit card with my name on it. I guess I'm just too scared to think I'm worthy of such rewards. Because I sure didn't see much of that in my parent's war-torn marriage. I mean, if my parent's marriage was a country, Bush would have wanted to invade it.

I did tell "A" I needed about a week to recuperate from all my physical ailments. Plus I have a busy week coming up with two art shows opening almost simultaneously. I have everything packed up for the one tomorrow and just need to run them downtown this afternoon. And then on Monday night we are hanging our figure art show at that tony beauty salon downtown. That show will open next Wednesday with a small reception.

About the only trip up from the doldrums this week was my art class last night. We had our yearly Boo-tacular. For some reason artists really seem to like Halloween, at least the ones I hang out with, so we have a party during our drawing session with all sorts of fun things. Like our Fearless Art Leader brought in three huge monster figures (as in 6 feet tall) and then the Sci-Fi Guy brought in his vast collection of weird music which included such stuff as a Frank Sinatra sing-alike singing the theme from "The Adam's Family" with a few scoobie doo riffs and ending with strains of "New York, New York". He also brought an actual human rib cage wired together with piano wire. We hung it from the ceiling. He said he had found it when they were cleaning out some famous artist's attic way out in the country. I had my picture taken with it while wearing my lovely tiara from the ever lovely HissandTell . I later realized I had touched it and then went over and picked up a donut at the snack table. Like eww! Bone fungi germs.

We had my favorite model last night. A wiccan woman who is currently 5 months pregnant. What a change from the usual 82 pound models. She always models on Halloween for us and she brought a bunch of props including a beautifully hand carved pumpkin with an exquisite pentacle. She also brought some fake crows, a fake vulture, some fairy tarot cards and a pot with Fall leaves. I almost always get a good drawing of her. After a few false starts....this was my hour pose. You'll have to excuse the pieced together pieces. I wanted to be able to show you the entire image so I went over to the library across the street and Xeroxed the image at 65% and then pieced it together the best I could. The only thing I didn't do was the pentacle on the pumpkin. I was just too lazy. But the monster guy was one of the big fake dude, our Fearless Art Leader brought in. But I think its all kinda fun, in a weird Edward Gorey kind of way.

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty