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2006-08-23 @ 1:20 a.m.
the cat in the hat meets with the croak in the throat

Well, my voice is still wrecked today. Man, was that ever a stupid thing to do yesterday. Heh! Guess I'd never make a good mother. I'd yell one time and suddenly I'd sound like Brenda Vaccaro. Who's that? I said that to "A" this morning and he said, "You're really dating yourself." Well sweetie, if you know who I'm talking about (a popular actress in the late 60's, and 70's in movies and television with a husky, sexy voice), you'd be old too.

I also had a woman, who was selling me an ice cream cone today say, "I hope the ice cream helps your sore throat". I thanked her. Ice cream, in my estimation, is always pretty much like a trip to Lourdes anyways. :-)

It was good seeing "A" this morning. Our appointments this last month have been spotty and during this recent emotional dip I've really needed some quality shrinkerdom. When I went into his waiting room, his inner office door was wide open and he had patients in there talking. Yeeps. So I quickly dumped off my purse and went back out into the hall and then waited. Wasn't sure why all the doors were open. Finally a woman and I guess a retarded man came out of "A"s office. So I went in just in time to see "A" walking into his office carrying my purse. And I was like WTF, until I regained my composure enough to gayly toss my head back and say dahhhling, the black leather purse is truly fabulous with that turquoise shirt (my favorite BTW), but those horrible striped socks. I mean, what "look" are we going for dear, "The Cat in the Hat"?

Heh, just yanking your chain, "A". Those stripey socks are very you, which is to say, very whimsical and kinda adorable.

That was an interesting segue as I was walking in though. I won't repeat it here, but nothing like jumping straight into sex, aye, "A"? Was I even sitting down yet? I don't think so. I mean sure I enjoy talking about every shrink's favorite subject, but Ooof! Maybe next time I should bring condoms or something. You prepared.

Of course then you did have to ruin everything by mentioning Harold the Geek. You're probably still waiting for me to mention him, aren't you? Nevah! Face it "A". He's a failed experiment. I have no interest whatsoever in dating some uptight Republican who looks like Joe Flynn on "McHale's Navy". He could bring me Date Rape Whistles in every freakin' color of the rainbow, and I would still make relentless fun of his geektardness. Does he even know that its no longer 1966 and that the Ed Sullivan Show was canceled 3 decades ago? And besides "A", you're really doing us both a disservice. People date because they have something in common, not because we both popped out of their mother's uteruses around the same time. And live two blocks from each other in The Village.

I did think about what we talked about regarding me doing something completely You know, like actually having one. And of course I sent you that e-mail from the library while I did my laundry, because Lord knows, I don't want to go down into our own dark, dank laundry room where creepy Hacker Boys might be sharpening their garden utensils in some secret paneled room.

Anyways, my new potential career? Art Therapist. Hell I've been in therapy for like a gazillion years. I know all the terminology. Bipolar? Yup! I know what that is! Clonopin. Yup! I know what that is! Art? I definitely know what that is! Why not combine the two?

I really don't know if it is possible, at this late date, to get any funding at the one agency in town that funds stuff like this. Why? Because I've already gone through their program when I trained to be a graphic artist 12 years ago. I don't think they'll let me go through again. Like whoops! That graphic artist thingie didn't exactly pan out. Can I try a new career? In fact, I know you can't do it a second time, so this whole idea may just be a part of the "I wish" ridiculousness I keep swearing off. I know one thing though. I'm tired of being stuck at the mercy of snotty people at food stamps (I STILL don't have mine) and having to live at an apartment complex full of crazy mofos.

Of course today after I did my laundry, I did take a short ride. It was like the poor person's version of a vacation. A ride up a hill. Whee! Call AAA for a map, Loretta!! I hadn't been up there in a long time. It was somewhat cloudy but you could still see our big lake in the distance. I also hit a small town where author L. Frank Baum, the writer of "The Wizard of Oz" once lived. Its a very nondescript little town where other than a gaudy yellow brick sidewalk and stores selling postcards of munchkins, is barely worth noting. I did go to their Goodwill store though. It was a pretty good one. I bought a frame for one of my paintings and a Banana Republic bathing suit for when I rejoin the YMCA this winter.

I also found an astrology book for cats. Of course you did, witty. And even though I've temporarily lost my glasses AGAIN(!!!!!!!) I was able to squint and see what it said about my adorable Pisces companion, Guardcat.

First of all astrologically, we don't match. Oh sure we do, honey!! Don't listen to those New Age hacks! Also evidently, if you drive by a certain house every day for months and months and months and see a large overweight cat sleeping in exactly the same position and you eventually wonder whether its just a stuffed toy sitting on top of a couch as a decorative foo-foo, chances are you are probably looking at a Pisces cat. I guess Pisces cats like to do two things with great exuberation: Eat and that order. Of course then I was standing there thinking...Isn't that what all cats do? But I guess Pisces cats have perfected the Fake-Cat-in-the-Window thing, which is why I had to laugh. This is Guardcat to-a-T. A big perpetual sleeping glob of fur.

Anyways, below are some (cough) additional career choices I might consider if the Art Therapy thing doesn't work out. Amazingly, I've actually been quite a few of them already: Writer....yup! Stage actor....yup! Art Director (of a newspaper)....yup! Graphic Designer....yup! Novelist...Yup! (just unpublished, those fools!). Film Director....Yup! (in college) Composer....Yup! I haven't been a book editor, but I have been a newspaper editor.....Yup! Psychotherapist...Nope, But I've probably paid various ones about $10 million dollars since about 1978.

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers:

Art director
Book editor
Film director
Graphic designer
Stage actor

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Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney. All angst copyright by awittykitty